Older Ladies/mother's need your help. I don't know what to do. Please?

Okay..first, to let you know - I am 40 years old. Been together with my hubby for 18.5 years, married for 6. Next - your relationship with this woman is still VERY new. The only thing that is going to solidify any of her doubts is time. And, more importantly, constant communication. I always like to think that relationships survive by each person being "tricky" T.R.C.C.E - Trusting/trustworthy, respectful, communicative, compromising and treating each other as equals. She obviously has trust issues - but again, that will only subside through time. But, maybe if you sat down and had a heart to heart conversation with her - about how you feel, what you like about her, (and although I HATE this word) what each of you "expects" out of this relationship, and to maybe talk about some of the issues that bother her. Ask her the questions. Tell her how you FEEL - such as, "sometimes you make me feel like I have to defend myself for things I haven't done, or would not do". "What can I do for YOU to make you feel more secure in this relationship?" TELL her how you see it from your side - let her know that you get frustrated when she gets doubtful and accusatory. But - ALWAYS include how much you love her, and how much you want to dedicate yourself to her and that you WANT to be in this relationship for the "long haul". Let her know that you understand how she feels because YOU have been cheated on, but if you don't have trust between each other, it will be difficult to move forward. Let her know that it's okay for her to express her feelings - but ask her to please, not put you in the category of all the other men she's been with. Tell her that you understand it will take time for her to feel safe, but that she has to try and open up with to you a little more. The BEST thing to do in this situation is always be completely honest. Don't throw "blame" at each other. And try to chose your words carefully when you talk to her. Always use "I FEEL" - because no one can say that how you FEEL is wrong. When I say don't throw blame - an example would be, "I know you got upset at me for the bathroom thing, and I apologize for that, but it hurts me to know that you think of me as that kind of person when I don't feel like I am." Does that make sense? Anyway.... I hope some of this helped. My husband and I have gone through EVERYTHING BAD imaginable - EXCEPT for being unfaithful. That has always been a "deal breaker" for us - but anything else - it can be worked through. And relationships that are going to survive - both people have to be willing to work HARD at it. That's the problem with most people these days. It gets a little hard, and it's just easier (so they think) to just walk away - thinking that they will find something better - but most times - they won't and most people have their own issues they are not willing to recognize in a relationship - so it's easier to blame the other person. A suggestion - if she's willing to do it - is counseling. My husband and I have gone from time to time when we need it and it makes it a LOT easier to have that "middle ground" person there who can ask you (and her) "Okay... so what did you hear him say?" She will have to repeat it, and sometimes you'd be surprised what people HEAR - and that it's nothing even CLOSE to what the other has SAID. It's their "interpretation" of what they heard. So maybe if you offer to go to a counselor or therapist in order to "improve your Communication skills and trust issues", she will look at it as an effort on your part that you want to be more committed to this relationship. If you have any other questions, or want to talk more - you can drop me a note. Otherwise I DO wish you both much luck and love - and take care!